Saturday, February 23, 2013

Black Berry (this really happened)

The steep dirt trail poured out onto obdurate stones that gave way only occasionally to broad swathes of mussel shells, already emptied by seabirds. Crowning the sharp casings now were barnacles, as good at stabbing the foot as any unliving thing on the beach.

The sun was still slightly encased in haze from the faraway blaze of forest fires on the mountain. The air was red and the water roared its uneven waves onto the shore. The ocean was a million shifting shining spikes, and thick blackberry vines roped the beach round.

Tottering on, their quartet accompanied by dog lean and crouch into the million shards of light reflected on the waves or falling out of the sky. Each one contemplating then deciding; two women reach to the waist, disrobing and undressing in a single overlapped moment, dancing their way over the stone fragments and into watery weightlessness. Their shyer counterpart demurs to the stripped logs.

She takes her sweater off, leaving it to the side, and feels her skin burn. Kinder, the wind cools her and she finds she can bear it. In shoes and socks, she feels no effects from the pebbles and rocks. Still, she stays on the log watching the water through sunglasses. At least she can still pick up a signal here, sending nonvocalic messages back to the city. Connected.

He watches the water wave over the two women, but his love makes one more beautiful. With tethered attention, he moves in line with her, together in an affection transparent and visible. He takes off his shirt and submits to the cold ocean, then to her warm body. Laughing, they embrace.

The sun’s fractioned strength, slighted by the smoke of burning forest, cannot warm the lone woman. Without a lover’s heat, she slips out of the ocean and back to the sharp terrestrial world of stones and shells. Balancing on a bare log, she teeters along, finding each smooth surface with her feet and travels the edge, eating the fruit of the enclosing vines. It is sweet but sharp; juice stains just as well as blood from a thorn's cut.

The world is silent, other than the roar of the water. The sun, the ocean: they require no language and the mind begins to empty and open. Only the damp smell of smoke signals an ancient alarm to sound through, though without the burden of words.

Burning blood red now around the edge of the sky, the sun sinks further into flames reflected on the waves. It is time to go. Swimmers flock clumsily into clothes, sticking and wet. Barbed and silent, blackberry bushes coil the beach like a ancient serpent leaving only one entrance, one exit.

Uneven waves thrown against the rocks are the only sound, other than a foreign ping of messages sent through the ether. No birds. No bears. No voices. Even the dog is silent, sniffing around roots under logs, as though the smoke had stung their eyes and stolen away their voices.

Back along the track growing thinner as suckers seek more ground spreading their tender thorns into space. A spike find skin, purchase and small pain, a few drops of blood the price of passage. Hands to mouths bruise black with berry blood, gory grins prod seed-filled laughs.

Back on tracks empty of train cars and engines, a muted half-lit world of smoulder.
Suddenly more: a horn blasts, the engine's light close and getting closer. Another blare and blast, and all four – five, with the dog held close in the narrow ditch. The dog struggles against arms struggling against animal instinct to Run. And at once the train is on them, shaking the ground and air into quaking thunder and dust. Ditch, dog, arms, back, backpack, tracks and train: something bursts as the huge wheels grind past. Paper bleeds, spewing from the backpack in an arc across the tracks. Some thing small and hard and black bounces into pieces. And is gone.

Empty tracks again, the train already around the next bend but the shaking continues. Hearts in throats the five stand with grey fingers stock still but shaking. At their feet small pieces of black plastic and in one hand berries crush and stain to dark.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

How can you miss what you never had?


That's the feeling, the sense of missing something always out of reach, like an unseen colour, a stranger strangely familiar story land, the description of a taste, a future memory.
Hume might say the force of impression may fade, pressing reality into imagination, or if traffic runs both ways, here on that border is the desire for what was never known.
Or maybe it's like understanding only what a triangle is, and when a square is encountered at first it is only a "not triangle" and maybe the possibilities of more "not triangles" are imagined. Maybe that's the unknown colour, somewhere in the anti-spectrum there is another inconceivable but possible colour. And in moments of grace, no triangle, no not triangle, no thing. Yes.
Instead, I remember riding riding riding him, hand in sweat on his skin the joy between eyes and sighs. Yes.
And attempting to extrapolate joy out of bed and into the grind and sweat of everyday toil, those moments between eyes, fighting and fucking up into something new. The possibility of not triangle, but not knowing what the fuck the shape of things is. Everything gone Claire shaped.
Or maybe it's a trick of imagination and not memory, the delicious part; that sense of expanding joy, a seed spiralling shoots out enlivening all hours, destroying barriers and ruining limits, running roughshod over neat borders with its own quiet precision and intelligence. And love.
Love to love soaking through with all the everything and more.

Friday, February 8, 2013

Dreadweight?


For the past four years I've been living in a valley steep on mountains and high up sky. I've heard people from the prairies say that they felt claustrophobic when they first arrived, and it's understandable. Planted between the giant swells of mountains, often buried in grey clouds, it's easy to feel planted, coddled, or stuck depending on the day.
Of the people who moved here and away again, there are those who say, yes, there was a strange lulling, sometimes expressed as a reluctance to leave the valley. Of the people who have always lived here, they have always lived here and love it as the best place on earth. Mind your geography, now.
No matter where you go, there you are, and place is simply the setting for the mind. Sometimes changing place can make the mind stand out, the consistent thing when everything else has changed. Traveling can be valuable for that.
In this small womb-like valley it's easy to remain unfocused, unattached, undeveloped, nourished by mountains and air, never born, never to face challenges, to see what mettle exists: What is there? What is possible? What am I? In such a small place, transformation appears to be very difficult, and dreams can seem alien even to the dreamer. They are the blueprints of existence, endogenous and evolving, but like all living things require labour to be birthed into the world. This womb, these mountainous labia, what can be borne?
Such a small place needs a big sky, a long moment of possibility, a sense of opportunity that shouts HERE I AM and wakes the sleeper out of comfortable fear and into the dream. This dream is life. It could end at any time. Do not be afraid. Do not go back to sleep, even if it is enormously painful.
Bob Marley said:
"If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you won't give up. If you give up, you're not worthy... Truth is everybody is going to hurt you. You just have to find the ones worth suffering for."
True story.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

We're talking trash, here, apparently

With the understanding that I'm not certain that I've learned anything, really, I have to say I've learned a lot being the editor of a small town newspaper. A huge, tsunami-sized amount that continues to grow.
In this position, I often find myself in situations that are extremely unusual. Pretty much any situation is unusual for me, though. I'm a slow-adapting type of person, I figure, or potentially something even stranger, like maybe an alien. There are so many types of human behaviour (mine included) that strike me as incredibly odd.
The one I experienced tonight at the local hockey game was the phenomenon of trash-talking. Now well-acquainted with the hushed tones of gossip, this new behaviour was like backstabbing on parade. Suddenly, the dark and nasty voice that usually shies away from revealing itself broadly was now on public display.
The first perp was a teenaged boy, so I could almost see it as a defensive mechanism to compensate for his acne-ridden face or misguided rushing hormones. Still, it didn't make his pimples any prettier, and turned his gawkiness from possibly cute to downright ugly.
More shocking was the fully-grown but not quite grown-up gentleman to my right who must have had the all-seeing eyes of God on his side as he cursed every call the ref made (against his team).
It was like sitting in hate soup, a tepid uncomfortable broth of floating hostility where no good effort was recognized for what it was in itself. The only thing that mattered wasn't even who won the game; what mattered was the righteousness of the trash-talkers. They had the mysterious authority to dismiss the experience, judgment and skill of the people in the game.
I was in awe. Did they believe the things they were saying? Were they saying them only to perplex the people they were clawing down? Huh. Yet another strange behaviour to catalogue but not to practise.
I've also learned in my time as editor that I like watching hockey. It's got to be live, but it doesn't matter if it's Bantams or Midgets, or the NHL. Nope, I'm an indiscriminate hockey aesthete; I love the balance and skill of the players, their determination and tenacity, the hits, the goals and the misses. I love how the refs scramble to stay out of the way while staying near the action.
Generally, I love the crowd too, when they cheer and appreciate the efforts made. I'm not a big enough person to love the haters, though (sorry, Jesus/Buddha). They just make me feel sorry – sorry for the players and refs that have to put up with them, sorry for their neighbours in the stands, sorry for them and the crappy outlook they have, and sorry for the human race in general. As far as I can tell, absolutely no one needs vitriol spewed at them when they're doing their best. And guess what? Maybe not all, but most people are doing the best they can pretty much all the time.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Master and Command Her

The cresting tide
Of future-blindness
Swells and overwhelms
The architecture of expectation
Flooding salinity
Creating space
Vast as an ocean
As far as the I can sea.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Battery of the heart, revisited

Beats me,
This fluid organ
Again and again
A meter of joy and pain
Eternal.

Cycling
A coronary
Of sparks, luminary
In dark and day, always
Together.

Dyad:
An arcing light
Across the bright
Divide, drive & unite
Us again.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

A bawdy day...

Sept. 12, 2008


A bawdy day...

Life’s journey as it passes through.


So the body dyes


water passing through

gathers colour and hue

amines as well

lend it tint and smell


why any bother

through mother and daughter

genomes tell tales

so do forks and whales


digesting the news

of another new bruise

shadow on earth

increasing her girth


no room for us all

silent swirling blue ball

footloose and fancy

cannot keep dancing


faster.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Friday, May 21, 2010

Wondering Woman

When I was a child I wanted to be Wonder Woman, armed with bullet-repelling bracelets and the lasso of truth. How many times they would have come in handy over the years, as well as that potentially problematic invisible plane. Now, if I were to possess these things, I would turn the lasso on my own neck to discover the truth. Would I be able to speak at all? Aren’t all words lies, only approximations of reality? The bracelets would make me drunk with power if they could repel the slings, arrows and sleights of the everyday. The everyday defeats the less-than-Wonderful Woman, I guess.

Friday, July 24, 2009

¿La Virgen de Guadalupe?

Bouquet banquet

Poppy, pre-bloom

Poppy, mid-bloom

Zinnia!

Bergamot!

Thank you, thank you...enjoy enjoy

Wednesday, June 3, 2009